Choose to be Teachers and Students

My daughter and son-in-law asked me to speak at their wedding. I was honored but also hesitant–what could I, of all people in their lives, say about marriage? The only thing I know without a doubt. With their permission, here’s my speech:

As we gather to celebrate your journey together, I want to share with you a little wisdom I’ve acquired along the way. After 15 years in education, I’ve realized a very important fact: We never stop being students. As a matter of fact, even without an education degree, we are all teachers as well.

This concept applies perfectly to our relationships. Every thought, word, and action speaks volumes for those willing to listen, watch, and engage. If we choose to be diligent observers of the people in our lives, we learn the important aspects of who they are. But as much as people observe us, they can’t know everything about us, unless we teach them. We must not be afraid to share the inner workings of our hearts with those we love and trust.

Therefore, Nicole and Tripp, you must choose to be teachers and students of each other.

As much as you think you know the person standing in front of you, there is always something to learn about each other. You must be willing to teach the other what makes you happy, angry, or sad; you must be willing to learn how to ease each other’s burdens and how and when to give each other space.

I know from watching the two of you together, that you have already learned much about each other and are not afraid to teach each other about your needs.

But as time goes on, each of you will change and grow—sometimes together; sometimes apart. But if you make the commitment to always be a student and a teacher, you will learn about the changes and teach each other who you are becoming. You will learn to give each other space and comfort when you each need it because you will teach each other when and how. Just as teachers can’t expect students to know what they have not been taught, you can’t expect the other to know how to meet your needs.

Teach each other with patience and love. Engage with each new stage with diligence and passion. Be dedicated students of each other and your relationship.

Just as you have chosen to marry each other today, Nicole and Tripp, may you choose to be teachers and students for the rest of your lives.

“Volunteering” by guest blogger Felicia Thomas

As a college writing teacher, I have the pleasure of helping my students discover their writing voice and their passions in life. Every once and a while I will read an essay that I need to post on my blog because it lines up with my goals, which is to help people find their own healthy path in life through optimistic realism. Felicia’s essay on volunteering fits well with that mission and my own passion for reforming education. 

volunteerImagine a world in which we could feel confident enough to leave the major decisions and responsibilities that need to be addressed in our country in the hands of our young people. We would do this and feel secure that the oversights and misdirection our country previously was subjected to by its predecessors would be rectified by an involved, enthusiastic, emerging generation. It would be invaluable to have young idealists addressing the concerns and issues facing their communities before they turn into larger problems that then become national issues. What a world this would be if, instead of leaving the complicated issues our country faces on the shoulders of an unwilling and unprepared younger generation, we arm them with the value of community and the tools for successful civic engagement.

We all know that as the US. Population grows, newer and newer generations emerge, each one seemingly worse off than the last. Prior generations, unless otherwise affiliated with public institutions such as churches, private schools, or youth based organizations (where volunteering is required), were not shown how to offer impactful change in their community. Without these examples of how to care about more than one’s own immediate personal needs, each new generation of young people grows increasingly detached and uninvolved as time goes by. Alison Muller made an observation about what she witnessed during her volunteering initiative offered by the students that reside at the troubled youth facility she worked at:

One of our most successful volunteer activities was with a local senior nursing home. We had an idea of what we had hoped could be gained by volunteering with the elderly, but we could not have anticipated all of the benefits the youth received, especially for those deemed the most troubling. We found over time that the youth who were most problematic within the residential program were often the best volunteers or helpers. The same qualities that caused problems in the residence made them successful with our senior citizens. (Mueller)

Even with the most troubled of our youth, volunteering can have great impact on their social and individual development irrespective of the social/emotional challenges they may face.

I’m confident that most people can list a minimum of three or four issues they feel either their community and or state deals with, whether environmental, institutional, or public, that involve not only themselves but their fellow citizens directly. The need for change is obvious, and the need for volunteering is nationally recognized. “Volunteerism during the Transition to Adulthood: A Life Course Perspective” points out the need for more visibility of our young people in volunteering:

Concerns about the maintenance of American democracy and civic society is heightened by a presumed disengagement of the contemporary younger generation from the political process and civic life, as well as its greater individualism and materialism. The empirical evidence for the perceived disengagement of young people is mixed, however. While trust among young people has declined and materialism has grown, rates of volunteering and community participation have remained stable or even increased over the past two decades. Despite this evidence, concern about young people’s civic involvement and the future of American civic society continues. To be concerned is warranted, since learning a sense of civic-mindedness and being engaged in the community early in life is found to be of utmost importance in developing responsible and civically active adults.

Why is our younger generation so uninvolved? Are materialism and consumerism going to be all we demonstrate and pass on to our future generation? Can we encourage and promote community based problem solving?  I would say, “Yes, we can,” and “Yes, we should,” specifically while our students are attending school and while their minds are pliable and open to guidance.

There are those who have some definite opinions surrounding this idea of volunteering and students specifically in conjunction with the school environment.  Robert Grim weighs in on the topic:

School is a key area for youth socialization. Not only is it a place where youth begin to develop an identity apart from their family, it is also a context in which youth begin to develop a sense of a larger community to which they belong. In addition, previous research has shown that involvement in volunteering through schools, whether through community service or service-learning, can lead to improvements in self-esteem and academic achievement. In response to the overall decline in civic engagement among Americans, the past decade has seen a growing debate on the role that educational institutions should play in promoting civic education in schools. (Grimm)

He makes a great point. Volunteering adds a substantial enrichment component to the education of school aged children. Isn’t emphasizing a sense of community just as essential to our children’s education as other skills taught? We should equip our youth with the ability to facilitate group projects that are beneficial to their community, state, or country. How can we truly say that we are preparing our children to become the best people they can be if we are not somehow tracking the way their minds and ideas are developing and whether those ideas will hinder or fall in line with civic engagement fundamentally?

A good solution for dissolving the unappealing image volunteering has will be to familiarize/normalize volunteering and civic education. It should be written into curriculum starting from third grade and up. Most adults hold the impression that volunteering is time consuming or that they get no direct immediate benefit. Some feel that they simply don’t know where to start. All of these misconceptions could be dispelled through early engagement and information on participation.

There are those who feel that forcing students to perform mandatory-volunteering is an oxymoron. This is not completely inaccurate. This is precisely why more attention to and the creation of service learning and civic education curriculum should be implemented as soon as possible into public and private schools alike. It’s important to remember that not all the benefits of volunteering go only to the students.  Large scale volunteering itself sets the tone of the community in which it’s frequently offered. Implementation of this idea not only would make the process familiar to each new emerging generation, but also for the current members of the community. The relationship between volunteer and recipient is a unique dynamic:

The new pattern of volunteering offers challenging and meaningful activities . . . the engagement is for short term and the turnover in the organizations is rather high. These developments are linked to a general process of individualization, which however cannot be totally identified with egoism. . . . nowadays the service-oriented attitude is emerging, which creates a climate of trust and results in a more satisfactory and productive relationship between volunteer and recipient, in contrast with the earlier “merely” helping attitude, where reciprocity was not necessarily prevalent. (Feynes)

It’s not an easy task, trying to locate recent studies or statistical information on the frequency of youth volunteering. This is because volunteering is not a topic that generates enough conversation. There are organizations that employ the use of young adults to teach service learning to school age children in their community. They also facilitate and organize volunteering projects in those same communities. One such organization is called City Year, another is called AmeriCorps. Both organizations encourage youth volunteering and try to educate about civic engagement and leadership. Both also offer a presence within the local school systems as well. The relationship with schools and the organizations is a very idealistic initiative. However, on the part of the public schools, the amount to which each organization is allowed to introduce their objectives and volunteering initiatives is extremely limited. This seems counterproductive, even with organizations being readily accessible.

Think about how many times you’ve volunteered in your life. How did you feel after? Now place yourself in that same scenario with one major difference. You have a solid understanding of what it means to make the choice to step into leadership roles, and civil service has now become your instinctive. This could be achieved with our emerging generation, but only if we teach unconventionally:

These new ways of understanding and brain-friendly approaches to learning are creating waves of change in all levels and domains of education from the instruction of formal schooling in both private and state based programs, to education policy, to an increase in academic research institutes, to special needs education, to private educational and therapeutic enterprises. However, such new advances are still young, with research yet in its early stages of development and acceptance. Many educational systems across the world still adhere to more traditional approaches and more enlightened institutions are grappling with the transition from the old ways of thinking to the new. (Karabulut)

In conclusion, no matter what your political views or opinions are, we all want our country to progress and strive for improvement; we don’t want to continue to witness the corrosion of our “democratic” nation. This starts with us. But for everyone to carry the same sentiments it must be instilled early on.

TED Talk from Sharon Brous: It’s time to reclaim and reinvent religion

Sharon Brous powerful TED Talk is a great part of the global conversation that needs to happen to heal the brokenness in our world. It fits perfectly with my message of optimistic realism. You can watch her video and/or read some of the highlights below.

 

4 Principles of Religion

Wakefulness. Our world is on fire, and it is our job to keep our hearts and our eyes open, and to recognize that it’s our responsibility to help put out the flames. We suffer from psychic numbing: The more we learn about what’s broken in our world, the less likely we are to do anything. We shut down at a certain point. Somewhere along the way, our religious leaders forgot that it’s our job to make people uncomfortable. It’s our job to wake people up, to pull them out of their apathy and into the anguish, and to insist that we do what we don’t want to do and see what we do not want to see. Because we know that social change only happens when we are awake enough to see that the house is on fire.

Hope. Hope is not naïve, and hope is not an opiate. Hope may be the single greatest act of defiance against a politics of pessimism and against a culture of despair. Because what hope does for us is it lifts us out of the container that holds us and constrains us from the outside, and says, “You can dream and think expansively again.”

This is what religion is supposed to be about: It’s supposed to be about giving people back a sense of purpose, a sense of hope, a sense that they and their dreams fundamentally matter in this world that tells them that they don’t matter at all.

Mightiness. It is true that I can’t do everything, but I can surely do something. I can forgive. I can love. I can show up. I can protest. I can be a part of this conversation. “I am strong, I am mighty, and I am worthy.” In a world that conspires to make us believe that we are invisible and that we are impotent, religious communities and religious ritual can remind us that for whatever amount of time we have here on this earth, whatever gifts and blessings we were given, whatever resources we have, we can and we must use them to try to make the world a little bit more just and a little bit more loving.

Inter-connectedness. It’s so hard for us to remember how interconnected we all are as human beings. And yet, we know that it is systems of oppression that benefit the most from the lie of radical individualism. Phobias and racism of any type are all of our problems. Emma Lazarus was right when she said until all of us are free, we are none of us free. We are all in this together.

Our hearts hurt from the failed religion of extremism, and we deserve more than the failed religion of routine-ism. It is time for religious leaders and religious communities to take the lead in the spiritual and cultural shift that this country and the world so desperately needs—a shift toward love, toward justice, toward equality and toward dignity for all. Our children deserve no less than that.

The Top 12 Global Teacher Blogger Discussion: October 2016

How do we better engender a healthy, happy, and productive school environment where both teachers and students can flourish?

flourishIn Martin E.P. Seligman’s Flourish (published April 5, 2011 with Simon and Schuster), he writes about the five elements people need in order to flourish. It goes beyond trying to find happiness:Flourishing rests on five pillars, each of which we value for its own sake, not merely as a means to some other end.”

So what are the five pillars and how do we create those elements in a school environment?

Here are my thoughts:

Positive Emotion

In order for our schools to flourish, they need to be a place where positive emotions reside. At the moment, school systems, teachers, and students are surrounded with negative emotions. Most teachers try to create a positive environment for their students, but so much depends on what happens outside of the classroom. If we want to improve that outer atmosphere, we need to make sure teachers are happy and not stressed out over the increased pressures surrounding their profession. If the teacher ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

Engagement

Students engage when they have a sense of wonder and curiosity about the subject matter, which is a direct result of the teacher’s engagement. I engage with my students because I want to hear and read what my students think about what we are learning in the classroom. The more control I have over the content of my classroom, the more engaged I am, which creates that atmosphere for my students. When reform agencies dictate the content of teachers’ classrooms, engagement diminishes significantly.

Relationships

Even at the college level where I rarely see students for more than a semester, I have developed strong relationships with my students. I also encourage students to form strong bonds with each other because they need to trust each other when they share their thoughts in classroom discussions and essays in writing workshops. If students aren’t talking to and collaborating with each other, they will never build those necessary relationships.

Meaning

Teachers find meaning in their chosen profession; it’s intrinsic to their job description. However, the current educational trends take away that intrinsic process from students: Students’ choices are being stripped away, with most schools buying into the factory model of producing only college-bound students, instead of creating a place where students can discover their own passions and direction in life.

Accomplishment

One of the reasons video games are so popular with children and teens is that they offer a sense of accomplishment as players move through the levels. This element is sorely lacking in today’s school system. In middle school, students can move through the grade levels without passing a single subject. Some parents are demanding that their children are rewarded for little effort. What has hurt teachers in this area is the evaluation system that measures teachers’ accomplishments through a deeply flawed test. No matter what we tell ourselves about the growth we see in our students, if our accomplishments can be stripped away by a flawed test, we will operate from a defeatist position.

As Seligman states, each of these five pillars needs to be present for people to flourish. It only makes sense that they must be present in the school system for teachers and students to flourish as well.

Joshua Katz’s TEDx Talk: Toxic Culture of Education

Joshua Katz describes perfectly the plight of American education, the damage it does to our lower achieving students, and the super villains behind it all.

“We need to pay attention to our students and who they are. . . . How can we help them be better students? . . . How can we help them with these non cognitive factors, like work ethic and character? . . . It’s the public narrative that must be shifted. We must talk about what is happening in the lives of our students–even our honors’ students–because we are simply creating a massive population of future citizens who are afraid to attempt anything challenging, unable to read or think critically, or unable to find a way to earn a meaningful income.”

I can’t say it any better than he did, so take the time to watch this video all the way until the end and pay attention to his solutions.

We can have an educational system that meets the needs of every child. We can change the narrative. We just need more people willing to stand up for our children, stand against the super villains, and demand an educational system that encourages success, not failure.

Friday Writing Challenge: I Miss High School

Prompt: Something you miss

Capping two of my students at their Senior Breakfast in 2014
Capping two of my students at their Senior Breakfast in 2014

I miss high school—not my teenage years but the years I spent teaching high school English.

A few weeks ago, I went to the local high school with my son to see his friends play a 10-minute exhibition game as the half-time entertainment for the boys’ basketball game. As soon as I walked into the building, I felt the energy that only exists in a school: An energy fueled by youthful hope and ambition.

We were a little early, so we sat in the bleachers by Ian’s friends. As I looked at the faces on the court, I was disappointed that I didn’t know anyone. Then I immediately chastised myself. How could I know anyone in this building? I don’t teach here. I don’t teach at any high school anymore. My heart began to ache.

Ridiculously, I fought back tears. Why did I leave a place I loved so much? How could I resign from a position that defined my purpose in life? How could I leave the students who needed me?

I looked at the parents, siblings, students, and teachers sitting in the stands. In Colorado I would have had at least one if not five people approach me while I was sitting there—a student just to say hi or a parent thanking me for working with his or her child or an older sibling back from college telling me I made a difference. But here, in this high school, no one knows me: None know that I used to change lives for the better; none know that I would lose sleep worrying about students just like them; none know how much it meant to my students to see me sitting in bleachers just like these.

While Ian watched his friends play, I evaluated what to do with this surprising surge of emotion. Did this mean I should start applying for secondary teaching jobs? Would anyone even hire me after my public resignation letter? If so, could I really work fulltime in a public school again? That thought brought a new surge of pain and questions. How could I go back to a public school, no matter how much I loved it, when the reason I left still exists? How could I be part of a system that aims to replace hope and ambition with standards and test scores? How could I go back to a profession that is being exploited by corporate greed and destroyed by bureaucrats with little concern for our children?

As my mind and heart raced, I thought about my college students. I am still changing lives and losing sleep over them, but I’m not immersed in the community the way I was in high school. As an adjunct, I just show up for class. If a student has questions, I stay on campus a little longer, but I’m free to leave when I’m done. I know I am still making a difference with my college students, but at a community college, I have many nontraditional students who are no longer teenagers in their formative years. Nevertheless, they respond positively to my encouragement, tough love, and passion. Most of my students leave at the end of a semester better prepared for their futures. Some students, however, don’t make it to the end of the semester. They didn’t start this process with the necessary work ethic or resilience to battle through entitlement issues, to embrace the demands of a college class and grow stronger mentally and emotionally because of it—skills I made sure I taught in high school.

I also thought about my financial situation. I’m barely making it right now. I chose to work as an adjunct so that I would have time to write. But a part-time adjunct position has just as much work as a fulltime high school position with a quarter of the pay. So I have less money and still have limited time for writing. If I taught fulltime again, I would at least have money, but I wouldn’t have as much time with my son.

So where does this leave me? How do I get all of my son’s and my needs met without sacrificing my convictions? How can I still be part of a system that encourages and builds up students when they are at their most vulnerable?

This semester, I put a few things in place: I started tutoring a high school student, which has been great. I also am on the subbing list for the middle and high schools in the area. My son will be moving up next year, so I hope to have more jobs in the middle school—that would be the best of both worlds.

Last week, I had my first subbing assignment in the middle school—8th grade English. I felt the energy again as soon as I walked into the building. Being a substitute is definitely different from being the main classroom teacher: Some students tested my teaching abilities immediately. They brought their phones out, walked around the room, sat next to friends, talked while I talked, but they quickly found out I was in charge, but not with an iron fist. I smiled, laughed, and quietly controlled the room. Some students were sweet and wanted to talk to me. I loved it all! I felt like I was home. This was a viable solution for my heartache. Maybe, if I were there enough, students would remember and recognize me. I could be part of this system, encourage teenagers, and make some extra money.

Ironically, while Ian was jumping at Blitz and I was writing this post, a student from the 8th grade class I taught walked past me and stopped: “Hey! You’re the sub from the other day, aren’t you?”

I think this is going to work just fine.

This writing challenge was painful and cathartic. I cried while writing it, which helped me heal, but it also renewed my passion for true educational reformation.  After I published this post, I realized I had more to say about education and the teachers leaving the profession, like me, with broken hearts. I turned this challenge into a post that is now on Huffington Post. You can get to that post here.

Part 1: Identifying the problems in our current educational system


Ken Robinson: How to escape education’s death valley

I love Ken Robinson’s videos: He is entertaining and makes a lot of sense. Recently I read some criticism about him; these people thought Robinson was a lot of fluff with no substance, and some thought he was doing more harm than good because he creates a type of “caricature” around education with no real solutions. I disagree. Robinson has an important role: He draws attention to the problems in education, which he does very well, and then gives us the motivation and tools to start a revolution against the government mandates for testing. Not only does he identify the problems we have in education in this video, but he also suggests a simple solution to those problems, a solution that we already have available in this country.

We just need to get enough people to voice their concerns and desires for public education. That’s where the rest of us come in.

As a high-school teacher in a middle-income district, I won’t pretend to have the problems that the lower-income districts have; however, if the problems I face as a teacher are exacerbated in lower-income areas, we have a crisis on our hands.

I teach honors English to freshmen students and American Literature to mostly juniors, with a handful of seniors repeating the class. Even in this middle-income neighborhood, 27% of my American Literature class failed last semester (up from 10% seven years ago). Some people may be tempted to blame me as the teacher for those failures, but let me assure those naysayers that I did everything I could to help those students, but they chose not to get the help they needed. I literally begged them with tears in my eyes to let me help them. They flat out refused my help because they have either stopped caring or think they are beyond help. Even though I didn’t have any freshmen fail, I still had a number of Ds, which was unheard of in years past.

Sadly, a few of those F students dropped out of school at semester; I’m sure they had their own reasons for making that decision, but in general, school has become irrelevant for them. Both children were bright students who chose to sit in my class and do nothing, even though they were fully capable of performing every task.

In my limited experiences with middle-income students, the disengaged students are getting more dominant. I am finding them in my honors classes now as well, not just regular level classes. If No Child Left Behind and Race to the Top were working, wouldn’t we see the opposite results?

Robinson makes this claim:

In some areas, 60% of kids drop out of school. There are others who are in school but are disengaged from learning.

Obviously, my numbers are lower, but any percentage of dropouts, let alone disengaged students, is unacceptable.

Robinson bases his talk on the three principles on which human life flourishes, all of which are being contradicted or actively destroyed under the current culture of education:

3 Principles on which human life flourishes:

   1st, human beings are naturally different and diverse.

   2nd, curiosity drives human life.

   3rd, human life is inherently creative.

As ridiculous as Robinson’s claim that the current culture of education is destroying these principles may seem to laypeople, I know this claim is true because I teach, and always have taught, life lessons in my classes through stories and classroom discussions. Every year I get more and more students who are starved for this type of teaching. Their ears perk up when I encourage them to be individuals; some cry when I tell them it’s okay to be different. Students stare at me in shock when I tell them I’m proud of them for asking questions because it shows that they are thinking and learning; sadly, for some, their natural curiosity has almost been destroyed. I also have students who need a lot of prompting and encouragement to find that which has been stifled for far too long: their natural creativity. I encourage doodling and out of the box thinking to solve problems, which some cannot do. Most students just want me to tell them what to do and what to think.

Robinson explains the deterioration of the first principle this way:

1st, human beings are naturally different and diverse. Education under No Child Left Behind is based on conformity, not diversity. Schools are encouraged to find out what children can do across a very narrow spectrum of achievement. One of the effects of NCLB is to narrow the focus onto the standards of things. Science and math are necessary, but they are not sufficient. A real education has to give equal weight to the arts, humanities, and physical education.

Kids prosper best with a broad curriculum that celebrates their various talents, not just a small range of them. The arts aren’t important just because they improve math scores; they are important because they speak to parts of children’s being that are otherwise untouched.

Thankfully, I work at and my son goes to school in a district that has all of these things, but it’s not enough. When I went to school we had Home Economics and Life Skills courses that taught us how to cook and bake, sew, take care of children, and perform everyday tasks that made our lives a little easier. What’s ironic about this is that I had close family members who also taught me these things because the nature of family was so different 30 years ago. Today, children don’t have these classes and many don’t have that type of family around to teach them those skills.

If school districts have the arts, humanities, and physical education courses, some schools take away these “electives” if students perform poorly on any portion of the standardized tests. Parents should not allow schools to do that to their children. I know my son would never go to school if they took him out of art or music so he could get extra help in math and reading. I know he needs these important skills, but he is just developing slower than other students his age for various reasons. He cannot be punished for that fact by having the things that bring him joy eliminated from his education.

For the schools that don’t have these electives because of budget cuts or poor standardized test scores, I can’t imagine what a grim, lifeless place that must be for students.

The solution is not to take these courses away from public education, but to allow students more choices and options in life. If they are allowed to choose their own paths, they will be engaged with their education. Isn’t that the goal? We want our children to discover their talents and passions so they can become productive members of society.

Next post: 2nd principle, curiosity drives human life.

Do you know who you were created to be?

With the dramatic changes being made to education, I may not be allowed to have these random lessons or life talks with my students anymore; they don’t fit in with any core curriculum standards. They are important nonetheless.

If I can’t speak to their hearts while educating their minds, I feel like I will only be half a teacher. In order to avoid that at all costs, I’ve created a new category on my blog: Letters to My Students. It is for all my former, present, and future students; for all of those students I never had the pleasure of teaching; for anyone who needed a teacher who wasn’t afraid to talk about matters of the heart.

Each letter will address issues in my students’ lives that I’ve noticed and couldn’t turn a blind eye to: choices that were hurting them, questions they’ve asked me, pain they’ve shared with me–things I know that countless others were too afraid to talk to anyone about.

Dear Students,

Do you know who you were created to be?

Your job in life is to figure out the answer to that question.

Get out a notebook and respond truthfully, for-your-eyes-only-truth, to the following questions:

  1. What do you love?
  2. What do you fear?
  3. What are your dreams? Don’t be afraid to think big. If you could do anything, without fear and if money were not an issue, what would you do?
  4. What matters to you?
  5. What do you believe in? Everyone should have a credo! Write at least 5 statements that start with “I believe …”
  6. What brings you joy?
  7. What makes you sad?
  8. What do you find beautiful?
  9. What would you do if you only had 3 months to live?
  10. Who are you? Write at least 5 statements that start with “I am . . .”

Visualization Exercise:

Imagine that you have 24 hours to yourself. No phones, friends, parents, homework, job. For this day you don’t have to be anywhere. Close your eyes. What do you see yourself doing during this unfettered moment? How would you fill your time? What would bring you the most enjoyment? Make a list of the things you see.

Everything you’ve written holds the key to who you were created to be. Your job now is to find the common threads. See what your words are telling you. No one but you can tell you what it all means. And you don’t have to figure it all out right this minute. It’s okay to give it time. It’s okay to enjoy the journey, especially because you’ll know that you’re on the right path–your path.

One thing is for sure: You need to forget about what everyone else thinks you should be or what people have told you that you can’t be. Turn off the tapes that have been playing in your head and start with a clean slate.

I also want to caution  you about the two deterrents to finding your true purpose:

  1. Envy: If you feel envious towards anyone, then you have believed the lie that you have to be like someone else to be successful in your life. You just need to be you.
  2. People-pleasing: If you are a people-pleaser, then you have believed the lie that you have to get certain people to like you in order to be successful. What other people think of you is none of your business, so don’t work so hard to get their approval.

I want to close this letter with a song that makes me think of all of you when I hear it. I know it sounds strange, but I like to pretend that I’m singing it to all of you. I can’t sing, so I won’t torture you with my voice. Instead, close your eyes and listen to Snow Patrol share my heart with you: