Episode 72: Being a Film Producer with Karlina Lyons

November 25, 2018

All In with Pauline Hawkins

Karlina Lyons

Karlina Lyons is a producer with 20 years of experience in domestic and international media production. Her career focus is on educational programming for children and families, most notably with Sesame Street. Recently, Karlina produced The Heroin Effect and Light Attaching to a Girl.

Three songs that would be on the soundtrack of her life: 1st song: “I’m Free” by Soup Dragons; 2nd song: “Into the Mystic” by Van Morrison; 3rd song: “Pilgrim’s Progress” by Kris Kristofferson.

For more information about Karlina, go to http://www.karlinalyons.com/

Become a Patron at Patreon.com to support my podcast!

Posted in All In with Pauline Hawkins, Podcast: All In with Pauline Hawkins | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Episode 71: Music, Film, and Inner Peace with Phil Kliger and Dakota La Croix

November 18, 2018

All In with Pauline Hawkins

Phil Kliger

Phil Kliger is one of the reasons I have my own show on WSCA. He invited me on his show two years ago to talk about my book, and now, I am thrilled to have him on All In to talk about all the amazing ways he uses his musical and voice talents to spread the joy. As an added benefit, Phil brought his friend Dakota La Croix to join us in studio. We talked about music, film, music in film, trivia, joy, and inner peace—organic, fun, and filled with laughter.

Three songs that would be on the soundtrack of Phil’s life: 1st song: “Glutton of Sympathy” by Jellyfish; 2nd song: “Makin’ It” by David Naughton; and 3rd song: Miles Davis a Tribute to Jack Johnson (1971).

To find out more about Phil, listen to his show Toast of the Town on WSCA 106.1 FM.

Become a Patron at Patreon.com to support my podcast!

 

Posted in All In with Pauline Hawkins, Podcast: All In with Pauline Hawkins | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Episode 70: Chiropractic Care and Women’s Health with Dr. Loren Allard

November 11, 2018

All In with Pauline Hawkins

 

Loren Jacob 1

Dr. Loren Allard is a chiropractor who specializes in women’s health. Her passionate focus is working with women in pregnancy and postpartum. She talks about creating greater awareness and connection in the body and how chiropractic is the path to sharing her gift of healing with mothers and their families. Loren shares her origin story and what it means to her to go all in.

Three songs that would be on the soundtrack of her life: 1st song: “Wild Flowers” by Tom Petty; 2nd song: “There Will Be Time” by Mumford and Sons with Baaba Maal; 3rd song: “Super Woman” by Alicia Keys.

We also continued taping after we went off air. For more information on how to listen to the bonus material, go to my Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com/paulinehawkins

For more information about Dr. Loren, go to her website: https://www.flourishnh.life/

Become a Patron at Patreon.com to support my podcast!

Posted in All In with Pauline Hawkins, Podcast: All In with Pauline Hawkins | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Episode 69: Mentoring for the Modern Musician with the Scharff Brothers

October 28, 2018

All In with Pauline Hawkins

Michael and Adam.jpg

Michael and Adam Scharff or The Scharff Brothers are a production team and pioneers in Virtual Artist Development. They write, record, produce and teach in all musical genres. As a matter of fact, at the time of this recording, they were finishing up a lesson, so I started the show with four songs that they recorded and produced. Song 1: “Everybody Knows” by Tom Emerson, a local artist; Song 2: “Friday Night Oasis” by Sons of Alfond, a band out of Portland; Song 3: “Ghost of a Man” written by Scharff Brothers and sung by Sam Robbins who was just featured on the Voice and is graduating from Berklee College of Music this year; Song 4: “I Don’t Wanna Be You Anymore” by Isobel Goss, a 16 year old local artist.

Since we played four songs that Adam and Michael produced, we played two songs that would be on the soundtrack of their lives: 1st song: “Lucky Now” by Ryan Adams (Adam); 2nd song: “See the world” by Gomez (Michael).
For more information on their podcast and production company, go to https://m3artist.com/

Become a Patron at Patreon.com to support my podcast!

Posted in All In with Pauline Hawkins, Podcast: All In with Pauline Hawkins | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Episode 68: Instructions on Parting with Amy Jenkins

October 14, 2018

All In with Pauline Hawkins

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Amy Jenkins was part of the New Hampshire Film Festival 2018 and screened her documentary Instructions On Parting: Over  the  course  of  one  tumultuous  year,  Artist  and  Director  Amy  Jenkins  confronts  the  cancer   diagnoses  of  her  mother,  sister,  and  brother,  and  also  welcomes  her  first  child  to  life.  Crafted   in  a  unique  visual  style,  the  film  weaves  breathtaking  vignettes  of  nature  unfolding  with   cinéma  vérité  family  footage  to  lead  us  to  a  bold  and  daring  acceptance  our  own  mortality.  Contact Amy through her website at http://www.on-parting.com/

Three songs that would be on the soundtrack of her life: 1st song: “Fireflies” by Patti Smith; 2nd song: “The Vigil” by Jane Siberry; and “Silent Tango” by Noah Hoffeld and Philip Fraiser.

Become a Patron at Patreon.com to support my podcast!

Posted in All In with Pauline Hawkins, Podcast: All In with Pauline Hawkins | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Episode 67: Podcasting with Raef Granger and Reid Butler

October 7, 2018

All In with Pauline Hawkins

Raef and Reid

Raef Granger and Reid Butler join my podcast to talk about starting their own businesses. Raef helps entrepreneurs find and follow their passions and protect their businesses. Reid is a financial advisor who provides strategies to families and small businesses. Together they have a podcast called The Entrepreneurs Foundry.

Three songs that would be on the soundtrack of their lives: 1st song: “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” by U2; 2nd song: “Yellow Eyes” by Rayland Baxter; 3rd song: “Dance with Me Tonight” by The Wonders (That Thing That You Do Soundtrack)

For more information about Raef and their podcast, go to https://raefgranger.com/

For more information about Reid, go to http://www.guytongroup.net/

Become a Patron at Patreon.com to support my podcast!

 

Posted in All In with Pauline Hawkins, Podcast: All In with Pauline Hawkins | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Truth and Consequence

If, like me, you are a sexual assault survivor, you are struggling right now. Dr. Ford’s testimony was more than one woman’s story; it was a testament to what so many women have experienced and hidden for most of their lives.

I have similar stories in my life—so many traumatic stories that when the movement started, all I could admit is #MeToo.

I knew all my abusers: I can see their faces, hear their words, smell their scents, and feel their hands and bodies on mine as if it were yesterday. I may not be able to recall the address of each of the locations or the first and last names of my abusers—but I’m pretty sure if I had to, I could research those things based on the details I do remember.

That’s how traumatic memories work—the things we wish we could forget burn themselves into our long-term memories. They become the very fabric of our lives and shape every decision and thought process afterwards. The nonessential details or the mundane experiences fade.

These sexual experiences have created relationship and self-worth issues for me that have taken countless therapy sessions and self-help books to correct. I’ve worked hard at denying the lies I believed about others: that men were justified in their abuse because I deserved it. I now know that I am not responsible for other people’s choices and behaviors. However, I still battle with the lies I believe about myself: that I am only valuable as a sexual object and that no one can ever truly love me for who I am. I am getting healthier but am still not completely healed yet.

After the assaults, the only things I could control were what I did with those memories. Mostly, I kept them to myself. Why?

  1. Because I fear that I wouldn’t be believed. I couldn’t imagine sharing the deepest pain of my life just to have people not believe me or accuse me of ulterior motives. Or even worse, to have my abusers deny what they did to me instead of apologizing for their behavior. The additional trauma I would suffer would be exponential.
  2. Because, to put it simply, I don’t want to share my stories. They are painful. They have been shoved so deep in my memory that it gives me physical and emotional pain to recall them.
  3. Because I’m ashamed. I know I can’t blame my 5, 10, 18 or even 23-year-old self for what teenage boys and men did to me, but my shame shield is immediately activated when I think about what these things may say about my self-worth.
  4. Because sharing sometimes has negative consequences. The few times I have shared a story or two, either I felt so much shame I ended the friendship, or I received sympathy—not empathy—from the person I entrusted; it somehow made me feel less than human. Sharing would also mean I’d have to open myself up to be scrutinized or ruin my or someone else’s life with my truth.
  5. Because most of my abusers were teenagers. As I age, I realize many of these boys were probably lost, confused, misinformed, or maybe even hurting. My hope is that these boys changed, that they realized the error of their ways and became better men as they matured and had families.

Yet, I still fear that my silence has continued the cycle of abuse. What if my silence allowed the boys to continue assaulting others? What if these boys who took advantage of a lost, wounded, little girl — for I was always a lost, wounded, little girl even at 23 when I found myself in that small, dark place — grew up to be men who took advantage of lost, wounded, little girls? It’s too painful to think about, so instead I chose to believe my teenage abusers were driven by youth and curiosity, rather than evil intent. Perhaps that makes me naïve or a coward or just an optimist, but whatever the label, I did what I needed to do to survive and heal.

With healing, I have been able to use my painful experiences to become a better person, mother, and teacher. I can empathize and support those who have experienced similar pain. I can guide, advise, and correct those who need help understanding gender inequality and what it means to be a woman. I have already made my peace and continue to use my experiences to help others.

I guess the only other question I want to ask and try to answer is: What would it take to give actual details of the assaults?

It would require something of monumental importance for me to name my abusers and share the details—something that would require me to sacrifice my personal safety and health for the greater good. The decision would not be made lightly, but with soul searching, plenty of counsel, and the hope that it would make the world a better place.

Honestly, I still don’t know if that would be enough to dredge up the past, but a few things I know for sure: I would never relay the details of those nightmares to get attention or for a political agenda. I’m worth more than that.

Become a Patron at Patreon.com to support my blog!

Posted in Letters I Need to Write, Pauline's Soap Box, The Moments of Impact | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment